a night spent on the train from Bangkok, myself and my travelling companion,
Ali, an Irish girl whose accent was totally understandable, finally arrived in
somewhat un-blessed Thai gentleman, standing willy-to-the-wind at some random
station, had flashed me through the window, at three in the morning.I had been unable to sleep since this incident, as I felt so sorry for
this poor gentleman, and so Ali and I headed straight to the nearest guesthouse.
guesthouse was clean and comfortable but, whilst trying to eat my noodles, the
guesthouse’s dogs were partaking in a bit of dog lock.At this point, I pondered if perhaps the tiger balm I religiously
embalmed myself in every morning had any secret Aphrodisiac properties.
devoured, we decided to go the local market, as there was just enough space left
on my arm for another fake watch.Ali
quickly tired of watching me ruthlessly bargain over ten pence for handmade
goods, probably made by deprived orphans, and so we went for a well-deserved
ventured into a seedy bar where a gap-toothed Thai was playing a Yamaha keyboard
and singing, “Don’t Break My Heart, My Achy Breaky Heart”, and hopefully,
with the language barrier and for his own sake, not understanding the lyrics.
Singapore Slings and a Chang beer later (we were both self-confessed
lightweights), Ali and I had booked ourselves on a week yoga course, and told
each other our life stories. … Mine only took five minutes.
our yoga master, had a face only a mother, or a blind person, could love.His body reminded me of“Stretch
Armstrong”, a toy I had as a child that you could stretch from the armchair
all the way into the kitchen … though I did live in a bed-sit.
arms were like stringy cheese, and the moves he could pull can only be described
as human origami.The only problem was, he expected us to do the same.
from a hangover, and trying to function without my morning elevenses of a coffee
and a fag, it was enough work trying to keep my insides in, (I’d had
“travellers’ trots” since Malaysia), let alone get my foot behind my ear.
an hour of doing unflattering body contortions, and luckily not filling my
pants, it was time to meditate.It
was at this point that things went Woodstock on me, and whilst everyone else was
trying to connect with their inner child, I was about to beat the crap out of
the child outside, who’d come to watch the hippy loonies in their chanting.
this time of spiritual awareness I could hear Abba playing softly in the
background, and was seriously scared that the chrysanthemum wine, offered by
Fabio, was laced with acid.My
master later informed me that he’d had a falling out with his un-enlightened
next-door neighbour over the chanting, and this was his neighbour’s revenge.
… Terrible man.
end of our session consisted in kissing Mother Earth … having memorised the
disease section of “The Lonely Planet”, I decided this was not a good idea
… and that Fabio from Sveeden could kiss something else … if only I could
get it up in the air.
week continued in this fashion and, even though I can only get my toe behind my
ear with the aid of a couple of Chang beers and a circus dwarf, I do know all
the words to Abba Gold.
my last day at the school I popped round to see the next-door neighbour, who
seemed a much-grounded, Thai gentlemen, and gave him a copy of Slipknot's
greatest hits.Peace on Earth.Maaaaaan.
thought this story was very funny and really from the heart. I would
like to hear some more of her travelling tales."
all the short stories! "Yoga with Fabio" is a
particular piece of genius!! Any more from the great Sarah?
Would love to read more!!!!"
Story! Really made me giggle!! I did Yoga in Dublin and it
wasn't half as funny as that! It should be declared an extreme
sport!! This girl obviously has a very good view on
life!! Very Refreshing!!"
has cheered up an otherwise dull Friday in the office!!More
Very Good article!! It make me laugh!!"
for the warning Sarah! I
am in Thailand at the moment and my girlfriend has been trying to
persuade me to try a Yoga session! (We keep getting pestered!) I
have shown her this article to which she laughed, then retracted
from the Yoga Session!! You're my saviour Sarah!!"
think i met you Sarah when you were in Penang! Remember me? I worked
on the training Yard! Anyway! Glad to see you are as funny on paper
as you are in person! Take Care!!! Keep in touch!! xxxxxxxxxxxx"
from Sarah please!!"